In the last behavioural science class, we were asked to identify one relationship of our life and write down at which stage of relationship development we were.
The five stages namely initiation, exploration, intensification, intimacy and relationship break up. And just after this I started to wonder as to which stage I am in.

As far as I can guess, be it any relation of mine, I am in second stage, exploration.
When I lived with my parents, I thought that I was clever enough to deal with this world. But as always I was proved wrong. My real journey began when I stepped out into this world almost two years back. Life has been tougher since then. Things now don’t seem as they appear to be.

In these two years I met with a variety of people. I say “variety” because I had never imagined that people can be so different in every respect. Be it language, sense of understanding, maturity level and other spheres of life, I perhaps met with one of all these kinds.

Since then I have been exploring. I say so because I don’t feel confident anymore. My trust seems shaken sometimes. The people I trust the most hurt me the most. People no more turn out to be the way I expect them to be. Its not that I expect too much but the little that I do is also not fulfilled.

I now feel lost in this world. I feel that I am like a child who had just begun to learn about the truths of life. I am not depressed but a bit astonished to see the other side of life which presently appears totally fake to me. My parents always made me aware of the adversities of life. I knew that life wasn’t undemanding as it appeared to be but I hadn’t expected it to be this way either.

Each day is a new journey for me. Each moment brings a new learning for me. Life is unfolding itself slowly with new surprises waiting for me at each step. I am completely black right now. I have so much still I feel empty. I have everybody but still I feel lonely. Perhaps I am not that smart to deal with smarter people around me. I am now exploring each relation of my life. And irony is that the deeper I try to explore the more confused I get. Everything seems so complicated. I encounter with a new aspect of truth everyday and by the time I try to accept it, another one is waiting for me. I sometimes feel that I think too much but the fact is that I am not able to accept this harsh face of life.

Some days back I had seen a dream,
A dream which comprised of you and me,
A dream where I cared for you, I lived for you,
Where I loved you because you were you.

A dream where your radiating smile made my day,
Where your gestures made me feel special,
Where you listened to my silly talks without complaints,
Where your love filled all voids of my life and made me complete.

This dream was like a fantasy to me,
And I was the princess of this fairyland.
I was joyful in my world,
But alas! I got to know that this was just a dream not reality.
A reality where you had your own world,
And most importantly your own “love”.

I cried and complained to god,
For not making my dream true,
God smiled and said to me:-
It’s true that he doesn’t love you,
But your love is a success,
Cause you love him with a true heart,
You love him knowing that he is just a dream not reality,
And thus you will be rewarded,
By a person who will love you more than you love yourself,
God said that my dream would always remain incomplete,
But I would be rewarded with a reality which would be more beautiful than my dream.

It has been almost two years since I left home. Taking up engineering as and hostel life was entirely my own decision. I wanted to take a year drop and prepare for the various competitive examinations but somehow situations were not in my favour and I had no option but to take admission in Amity University. I don’t regret my decision but somewhere I feel that my luck did not support me enough and perhaps I deserved better. Anyways it has been two years since then and now I feel that my decision was correct.

Initially when I joined college, big surprises were always ready for me. I had always imagined hostel as a luxurious place but to my surprise, I was allotted a seat in a four seater room. Adjusting with one is possible but when you have to adjust with three girls, things are not so easy to deal with! Hostel life was an entirely new experience for me. Standing in long queue for food and even for washroom annoyed me a lot. When I was with my parents I hardly even bothered to wash my clothes but here from clothes to studies to arranging my room and everything else, I had to manage it myself. In the first month I had spent most of my time crying. I remember once I was crying in washroom and perhaps I didn’t notice that I was loud enough to be heard and someone passing bye started shouting as to who is crying inside…what an embarrassment! I stopped immediately.

But after a month or so, I started feeling good. I made new friends and I started liking my new life. Outings, late night studies, writing lengthy assignments, long chats with friends, bunking classes etc. became an integral part of my daily schedule. I didn’t even notice as to when the first year of my college passed but it taught me lessons for my life.

Lesson no 1- Do not trust everyone. The person whom you trust blindly may be the one who would create problems for you.

Lesson no 2- It is advisable to speak up if you have a problem with someone because keeping silent won’t help and people would take advantage of you.

Lesson no3- Not every one you talk to is your friend. Select your friends carefully.

Lesson no 4- Enjoy your life completely but at the end of year what matters is a good result so never ignore studies for even a moment.

Lesson no 5- Manage your time well.

Lesson no 6- Don’t compete with others but try competing with yourself. Set your own goals and rules for life.

Lesson no 7- Manage your expenses well!



I made lessons for life but was a bit late in doing so. I say so because I was admitted to Amity University at a scholarship of 50% which I received for the first year of college, but from a very small margin, I couldn’t continue it for my second year.


Anyways second year began and I was focussed from the very beginning. I started taking all my decisions carefully because I was in mood to repeat the mistakes I had committed earlier. My attitude towards dealing with people changed a bit. Some may call me rude but I love myself for what I am today. One thing I understood was that it is very necessary to judge people correctly…be good to the ones who are good to you but be tough whenever and wherever required.
I became more inclined to academics because I need to regain back my scholarship back.

My life has changed a lot in the last two years. I clearly understand the importance of family, friends and relations now. Sometimes when you miss something in life, you get to know its true value and that is why today I value each one associated with me. Though everyone around me feels that I am innocent and perhaps not strong enough to face this cruel world, I know that I am preparing my self for both the “best” and the “worst” of situations. I enjoy each and every moment of my life sssssbecause I know this time will never come back in my life. I have so many colours in my life at present each holds it special place. Each day is a new journey in the sea of life…filled with so many new experiences and challenges.





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I always thought I was poor,
Until I saw my maid eat the food I had thrown because it had turned sour.
I always thought I was deprived,
Until I saw my driver take away the stationary for his kids that I had disposed off.
I always thought I was unfortunate,
Until I saw my maid’s daughter wearing my dress which had turned outdated.
I always thought I was underprivileged,
Until I saw a boy of my brother’s age riding a rickshaw to earn his living.
I always thought I was sorrowful,
Until I meet with a child who had lost his parents in an accident.
I always thought I was discontented,
Until I meet a man who had all luxuries but nobody to care of him in his old age.
And then I realised,
That I am well-to-do,
Rich with resources,
Blessed with a loving family and friends,
I am not discontented any more,
Cause I have everything from resources to relations, from family to friends,
I have understood that God made me privileged so that I can help others in distress,
So that I can love and respect every human, and help them in anyway I can.

THE DEATH OF A HERO

The word hero here doesn’t refer to someone who acts to be a saviour but it refers to someone who in real sense works for the betterment of his people and country on a whole. If a census is conducted, it is for sure that most of the youngsters would choose to be reel hero’s rather than real life hero’s. Most of the students opt for engineering, medical sciences and activities related to private firms as a career option but how many of us want to serve our country by joining civil services? The answer is obviously a very few. And if someone, very talented and perhaps very honest wants to take up this challenge, law makers or rather the supreme powers of the country, ‘the politicians’ , crush him to death. This is the story of rising and falling of a hero whose honesty priced him his life.

Gautam Goswami a 1991 batch IAS officer, an MBBS and MD from BHU was appointed as the DM of Bihar in 2004. The problems which Bihar faced and that time and perhaps even now comprised of poverty, lack of education among the masses, unemployment but to top the list was the uncontrolled crime and the state’s inability to cope with any kind of disaster.

When flash floods hit the Indian state of Bihar in July, millions of people were displaced from their homes, many without access to food or drinking water. A catastrophe was looming, and Gautam Goswami did more than anyone to avert it. As the district magistrate—the top bureaucrat—in Patna, Bihar's capital, Goswami coordinated a massive relief effort that involved the Indian government, army and international aid agencies. At 4:30 each morning, Goswami was at Patna's airport hangar, seeing off helicopters loaded with food, drinking water, tents and medical supplies; then he made sure truck convoys headed off to areas that could be reached by land. Goswami, 38, and his team toiled for a month, until the floods receded and the displaced returned home.

Many Indians view this territory—which is infested with gangsters and Marxist guerrillas—as a basket case beyond redemption. But Goswami helped to save it. For example, after three successive parliamentary elections in Patna had to be both partially or entirely countermanded because of violence and electoral fraud, Goswami was put in charge of the ballot in 1999. He barricaded Patna, so that gunmen in cars couldn't enter the city, and set up telephone lines for citizens to call in with complaints. In 1999 and 2004, with Goswami as the overseer, Patna had the two fairest elections it had seen in years. During an election rally in 2004, he stopped the then home minister Lal Krishna Advani from continuing his speech referring to the election commission’s model code of conduct which prohibited the use of public address system after 10pm. For his works, he was selected one of the 20 Asian Heroes by TIME magazine.

Goswami later quit the IAS and joined a private firm much before his resignation was accepted. In the meantime his name figured in an FIR lodged in connection with the bungling of Rs 18crore meant for providing relief to flood affected people in 2004. The state government suspended and he finally surrendered in a Patna court.

"God provided me this opportunity to serve the people," said Goswami, who, after being released from jail on bail is serving with the headquarters under department of personnel and administrative reforms. "Since I am yet to get a posting, I have plenty of time and I want to utilise it in the service of humanity," Goswami told adding this would also satisfy him. "If Dr B C Roy being chief minister of West Bengal and Dr C P Thakur being Union health minister could see patients, I also want to follow their footsteps," he said. Stressing on qualitative treatment, Goswami said in private there are very few physicians exclusively treating HIV/AIDS patients. Like its treatment, the counselling is also expensive. Counselling, he said, is a big part of the treatment and "I’m here to provide free of cost." At Vaccine House in Lok Nayak Jayaprakash Narayn Bhavan, he gave two-hour time four days a week. On Saturdays and Sundays, he was available from 10 to 12 noon and on Wednesdays and Thursday between 6 to 8 pm.
Goswami was diagnosed to be suffering from pancreatic cancer in early 2008. Last month the state government revoked his suspension on humanitarian grounds. He breathed his last on Tuesday 6th January 2009 after prolonged illness.


An educated person or rather I should say a scholar died and our country lost a gem that would have surely helped our country flourish. This is not the first time a talented person was involved in a scam and his entire career and most of all his life was ruined but every time when someone tries to work for the betterment of Bihar, he is crushed. The people who were really involved in the flood scam are still free, free to live but the blame was put on the shoulders of an innocent who had worked the most to make Bihar a better place to live in. Welcome to a country where most wanted criminals are given seats in elections, criminals like Moinder Singh Pandheer are given a clean chit and able IAS officers like Goswami are accused of scams and put behind bars.