In the last behavioural science class, we were asked to identify one relationship of our life and write down at which stage of relationship development we were.
The five stages namely initiation, exploration, intensification, intimacy and relationship break up. And just after this I started to wonder as to which stage I am in.

As far as I can guess, be it any relation of mine, I am in second stage, exploration.
When I lived with my parents, I thought that I was clever enough to deal with this world. But as always I was proved wrong. My real journey began when I stepped out into this world almost two years back. Life has been tougher since then. Things now don’t seem as they appear to be.

In these two years I met with a variety of people. I say “variety” because I had never imagined that people can be so different in every respect. Be it language, sense of understanding, maturity level and other spheres of life, I perhaps met with one of all these kinds.

Since then I have been exploring. I say so because I don’t feel confident anymore. My trust seems shaken sometimes. The people I trust the most hurt me the most. People no more turn out to be the way I expect them to be. Its not that I expect too much but the little that I do is also not fulfilled.

I now feel lost in this world. I feel that I am like a child who had just begun to learn about the truths of life. I am not depressed but a bit astonished to see the other side of life which presently appears totally fake to me. My parents always made me aware of the adversities of life. I knew that life wasn’t undemanding as it appeared to be but I hadn’t expected it to be this way either.

Each day is a new journey for me. Each moment brings a new learning for me. Life is unfolding itself slowly with new surprises waiting for me at each step. I am completely black right now. I have so much still I feel empty. I have everybody but still I feel lonely. Perhaps I am not that smart to deal with smarter people around me. I am now exploring each relation of my life. And irony is that the deeper I try to explore the more confused I get. Everything seems so complicated. I encounter with a new aspect of truth everyday and by the time I try to accept it, another one is waiting for me. I sometimes feel that I think too much but the fact is that I am not able to accept this harsh face of life.